[insert witty title here]

Once upon a time, there was a man with a golden watch. It was the most beautiful watch in the city, made of pure gold and with several personal customizations. Day in and day out, people would look at the watch and marvel at how beautiful it was, and he would be pleased to show it off.
One day, however, the watch wouldn’t run anymore. For several days, the hands simply wouldn’t move. This worried the man deeply–what was wrong with his watch? He continued to wear it, but it no longer was as glorious as it once was.
Eventually, he took it outside, laid it on his table, and opened it up to see what was wrong with it.

After a few hours of tinkering, one of his neighbors came along. “Hello, sir!” she spoke cheerfully, “What are you up to this glorious morn?”
“I know of no glorious morn, for a great tragedy has befallen me.” the man moaned, “My watch no longer works!”
“Oh, no!” said the neighbor, “A great tragedy indeed, with the most beautiful watch in the city! Perhaps you should see the watchmaker, he might be able to help!”
“Thank you kindly for your concern, ma’am.” said the man, “But I’m confident enough in myself that I can fix the watch. All I need to do is believe in myself and adapt my mind to this trouble!”
The neighbor nodded. “A virtuous goal indeed, sir. I wish you the best of luck to overcome this tragedy!” she said, then walked off.

After a few more hours of tinkering, a friend of the man came along.
“Hello, friend!” said the friend, “Your face looks miserable, as if a burden is weighed on your shoulder. Is something the matter?”
“A great burden indeed, a terrible tragedy to be precise!” the man moaned, “My watch no longer works!”
The friend was struck aghast. “Your beautiful watch, the golden glory of all the city? This IS a terrible tragedy! Come, my friend, let me help you with your watch–together, we can unite our minds and overcome this misery!”
“Oh, you are a great friend indeed!” said the man, and he worked alongside his friend with the watch.

Several more hours of tinkering passed, and the watchmaker strolled alongside the man and his friend.
“Good afternoon, gentlemen!” said the watchmaker cheerfully, “Is the sun not shining and the skies not clear today?”
“I focus not on the sun or the sky, for I’m afflicted with a horrible tragedy.” the man moaned, “My watch no longer works!”
The friend continued, “This watch has been tormenting us for several hours, but we are unstoppable when united! Our friendship and our clever minds will allow us to figure out what’s wrong with this watch, and then we can fix it!”
The watchmaker was furious. “You fools! Can’t you see you’re ruining that beautiful watch beyond repair?! All it needed was some new batteries!”

The man and his friend hung their head in shame.